The Expired Meat Donation Center of America

Are you tired of coyotes scavenging your neighborhood?

Well, now your small dogs are safe thanks to the EXPIRED MEAT DONATION CENTER OF AMERICA!

The EMDCOA is a non-profit (501c3 pending) that accepts your old steaks, rib racks, flanks, shanks, and planks. Then, for $70/week, we’ll redistribute these pieces in your own backyard, and you can just sit back and watch the majesty of 6 or 7 beautiful coyotes tear through your refrigerator waste—from the safety of your back porch!

We accept all types of meat:

  1. Beef
  2. Pork
  3. Chicken (de-boned only please)
  4. Venison
  5. Raccoon
  6. Feline
  7. Trout

Get rid of your old meats while getting closer to wildlife. Donate today!

THE FINE PRINT: Terms and conditions apply. The EXPIRED MEAT DONATION CENTER OF AMERICA is not responsible for the behavior of coyotes. No live seafood accepted. Do not approach, engage, startle, pet, or groom feral and/or mangy coyotes, deer, rabbits, horses, hawks, or eagles. Do not consume raw and expired meats while pregnant.

Advertisements

WBITE Cinncinati

FINALLY.

You’ll never have to sit through another sporting event without seeing players bite one another again!

Tune into WBITE Cincinnati, where biting is legal in every sport, and the city was chosen because it rhymed with the call sign.

Join celebrity commentators Mike Tyson and international soccer star/renowned biter Luis Suarez as they attempt to call each game/event/match while fending off toothy attacks from each other.

You’ll get 24-hour coverage of the following sporting events, all made infinitely better by unexpected biting:

  1. Baseball
  2. Golf
  3. Synchronized swimming
  4. Billiards
  5. Curling

Tired of NOT seeing a tennis player reach over the net and lock his or her opponent in an embrace with intent to bite the collarbone? Sick of never seeing a confident bowler celebrate a strike just before his opponent appears from nowhere and bites his hand? Don’t you hate not witnessing an olympian get bit as he or she lies on the mat helplessly, having just completed a glorious pole vault?

It’s all legal on WBITE Cincinnati! Tune in today, and leave the mouth guards at home!

My First Haircut Kit

Is your child terrible at giving haircuts?

Well worry no more, because MY FIRST HAIRCUT KIT is here to make your child a pro!

Whether giving himself/herself a trim, helping their parents out with a little off the top, or opening a small barbershop kiosk on the corner of your neighborhood streets, children can now get the vital hair-cutting experience they need.

Designed for children ages 2-6, the haircut kit includes:

  • Professional grade shears
  • Industry grade electric razor (guards sold separately)
  • Shaving (includes 6 pre-sharpened utility blades)
  • Mohawk stencil
  • Hairstyle Instructional pamphlet
  • First aid kit with blood towel
  • Set of legal team business cards

For four easy payments of $69.99, you could start experiencing the convenience of in-home haircuts in the most popular styles — bowl cut, crew cut, OR skin head. Gone are the days of expensive trips to the barber, with unknown hands in your hair and incessant conversation with a stylist or shampooer.

Don’t forget to check out MY SECOND HAIRCUT, an advanced set of tools for your 7-10 year old child, including curlers, dyes and coloring agents, combs, more razors, more scissors, a home-sharpening tool, hairsprays and gels, and a “Yes, I cut my own hair” t-shirt.

ORDER NOW