The Geyser 500 Shower Head

Are you annoyed that your shower head is suspended from above and doesn’t spray a single, firehose-like jet from the ground up? Don’t you hate it when the shower just feels like hot rain?


The Geyser 500 is the world’s first shower head to spray water from the ground up—the way mother nature intended. With a single jet of 500 psi, every drop of sweat, every germ, dust bunny, moth carcass, or remnants of tar or feather will be soothingly ripped from your body in the first moments of your bathing experience.

A black-marker sketch on a paper towel of a shower stall.

The Geyser 500 in action (engineer sketch).

Features include:

  • Temperature control
  • On/off nozzle

For just 4 easy payments of $59.99 (and a 5th payment of $3,499 plus sales tax, VAT, packaging fees, shipping, installment, and maintenance), you could be enjoying your new bathing experience in style!

THE FINE PRINT: The Geyser 500 is not responsible for injury to undercarriage, damage to bathroom ceiling, or flooding repair. Offer void in Maine.



The Hot Tub Tube

This single-use personal hot tub uses non-patented cutting edge technology to give you the best solo hot tubbing experience you’ve ever had! With our specially designed “Step-In and Relax” ring and semi-watertight plastic liner, this isn’t just your run-of-the-mill trash bag attached to a hula hoop. Simply step into the tub, raise the ring, add hot water, and suddenly your worries are melting away!



1. When you want to be in a hot tub and there is no hot tub around

2. When the hot tub at the hotel is full of people

3. Layovers

4. Waiting for the waiter to come back with what you actually ordered

5. Long lines at the zoo



1. A relaxing sack race

2. When you’re the goalie and the opposing team never gets the ball near your goal


THE FINE PRINT: Hot water not included. The Personal Hot Tub Tube is biodegradable and guaranteed to disintegrate in under 10,000 years. Not recommended if you are pregnant, on medication, feverish, or are currently experiencing perfect health. The Hot Tub Tube Accessory Pack featuring the “Blow your own jet bubbles straw” and flotation vest sold separately for three easy payments of $849.99.