The Ford Harrison

Ever wish your family vehicle had a little more “old guy swagger?”

Introducing the Ford Motor Company’s HARRISON!

A stylish throwback model, the Harrison blends adventure and with an aged, rugged look. Usually shy of the limelight at auto shows and exhibitions, the Harrison really shines when it matters most: when you’re looking for a religious artifact or chasing a nazi. Many claim that Ford’s heyday is far in the past, but the car’s features suggest otherwise:

1. Fueled mainly by whiskey/Japanese beer blend

2. Automotive special effects make it look like handling is better than it probably really is

3. Dual airbags optimize chances of saving your wife

4. Constantly malfunctioning hyperdrive feature makes escaping law enforcement more interesting for plot turns

5. Life-sized inflatable Chewbacca fits in the passenger seat for solo carpool lane driving

6. Wooden side panels celebrate the glory days of the 70s

7. Engine wear not determined based on the years, but on the mileage

8. Car’s speakers only play the work of John Williams

9. Front bumper angled downwards for minimal decrease in speed when running over a replicant

Critics have been panning the vehicle recently, but drivers and Ford fans can’t deny the opportunity to see Ford’s Harrison in action time and time again.



The Hatchback Automobile Collector’s Weekly Periodical

Surfing the web and can’t find information on your collectible vintage 2003-2006 hatchback family automobile?


This weekly newsprint periodical delivers valuable information about your collector’s edition family vehicle right to your door! The HAC Weekly will inform you of the latest car shows, meets, parts sellers, and general goings on regarding some of the most reliable and FUN-ctional family cars from the golden era of hatchback automobile production: the mid-2000s.

Matt from Grand Rapids writes, “That’s great and all, but will this get me any closer to getting a girlfriend who’s proud of my vintage 2006 Ford Focus ZX5 Hatchback in Silver Bullet Platinum?”

YES MATT, THERE IS NO DOUBT IT WILL. Although you have a classic on your hands, the ’06 ZX5s were in the twilight of the hatchback Focus’ glory years. Like-minded collectors will gather in New Silkybourg, KY each year to talk shop, listen to lectures (including the acclaimed “Shut up and Focus” by collector Wayne Brainford Jr.), and partake in round table discussions known as FocusPoints. Many non-owners also arrive to take in the beautiful collections, daydream about owning one of these hatchback miracles of family transport, or just to know the thrill of sitting behind the wheel of a parked, reliable grocery-getter. In short, YES MATT. THERE WILL PROBABLY TONS OF HOT CHICKS THERE.

Get your questions answered and more by subscribing to Hatchback Automobile Collector’s Weekly. Order a yearly subscription now for $933.00 (that’s less than $17.95 per week) and we’ll sent you a free keychain commemorating the rock band, KISS. No delivery on the weeks of Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year’s, Easter, Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, President’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Wayne Brainford Jr.’s birthday, Flag Day, Casimir Pulaski Day, and all religious holidays in all religions.