Buy Hamish Alastair O’Shenanigan’s Opinion!

Do you need to drum up support for your secessionist movement?! Are you a staunch imperialist without friends?

Well good news! Hamish A. O’Shenanigan’s opinion is YOURS TO BUY!

Whether you are for or against having a royal ruler, Hamish doesn’t give a whip. He’ll hold your sign, march on parliament, or simply sheer any message into the sides of your sheep if that’s your game. All he asks in return are the following:

1. A barrel of his favorite ale.

2. A ride every morning for a year to his job in town as a cobbler’s apprentice/drunkard.

3. Lifetime free entry to a the log throwing world series.

4. One bagpipe cleaning.

5. 15lbs. of haggis, 3lbs. ground sausage, one gallon whole milk, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and a blender (for making highland milkshakes).

6. One can of mustache wax

Don’t you think your country’s freedom or ongoing beneficial political and economic partnership is at least worth all that?!

HAMISH DOES. And he’s even willing to change his Facebook status to reflect your opinions for one week. Act now, and Hamish will throw in a nice dinner and night on the town as a bonus ‘thank you’ (female customers only).

Support for your cause has never been this easy to find!

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The TacoTelegram

Have you ever wanted to mail a taco? NOW YOU CAN!

Gone are the days of worrying about the complicated logistical challenges of mailing mexican food. For $7.99 plus tax and freight, we will ship one taco for you to anywhere in the mainland United States. The Taco Telegram is perfect for the following occasions:

1. When you’re hungry.

2. When someone you know is hungry.

3. When you want to mail someone a hate taco.

4. A ‘Fan Mail Taco’ to your favorite celebrity

5. When you have a Mexican restaurant and you want to show them how it’s done

6. Random taco mailings to someone you’ve never met

THE FINE PRINT: Taco Telegram only ships economy ground, in a standard 8 1/2″ x 11″ manilla envelope. Taco can be placed in plastic baggie or wrapped in foil for an additional $5 surcharge. Composition of taco not guaranteed by time of delivery. Custom ingredient orders not accepted; Taco Telegram Inc. reserves the right to assemble any ingredient combination, including but not limited to traditional mexican food taco ingredients, any and all non traditional ingredients, strawberry jam, asparagus, lemon custard, and bubble gum. Not FDA approved. Consumption of taco not recommended.