The Hot Brown Hot Spots Tour

Got an entire Saturday to kill in Louisville, KY?

Sounds like you need to go on the HOT BROWN HOT SPOTS WALKING TOUR!

The Hot Brown is Louisville’s signature dish: ham, turkey, toast, cheese, bacon, all baked beneath a generous of blanket of mornay sauce. And for as little as $919.99, YOU can take the tour that tastes them all!

Hot Brown

…AND THIS IS A SMALL.

A walking tour of downtown Louisville, the 12 stops include Louisville notables Mama’s Southern Cafe, Phil’s House of Hot Brown Goodness, and the historic Brown Hotel, birthplace of the Hot Brown itself.

For the low, low price of $919.99, each participant receives the following:

1. One large Hot Brown in each location.

2. One pint of beer to wash it down in each location.

3. An “IS THERE HOT BROWN ON MY FACE?!” t-shirt.

4. Photo Op with a professional photographer (prints available for purchase upon completion of the Hot Brown tour).

5. JC Penney tie clip

THE FINE PRINT: The HBHSWT starts at 11:00am, and rarely ends before 1:00a.m. the following morning. For legal reasons, the tour can not continue until each participant finishes their Hot Brown and beverage. Public displays of intoxication or stomach sickness will be met with violent reaction from law enforcement.

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Actual Goldfish Snacks

Are you tired of imitation snack foods?

Try ACTUAL GOLDFISH!

Unlike their snarky little posing counterparts, Actual Goldfish combine all your favorite snack food flavors with the authenticity of fishbowl life. You’ll no longer need to worry about all those cracker crumbs or pesky Pepperidge Farm particles getting caught between your teeth. Whether you’re sitting at your desk, in the cafeteria, or on public transportation with several horrified onlookers, Goldfish are the perfect way to quell hunger pangs without ruining dinner.

Here at Actual Goldfish, we fishbowl raise (or carnival win) all our snack product. Available in all the popular flavors, enjoy a cheddar cheese or pretzel goldfish the way you would any snack.

“HEY, BUT YOU ARE STILL EATING A LIVE GOLDFISH!”: True, but raw fresh fish is a delicacy. What could possibly make sushi better? Obviously, the answer is a light dusting of bright orange imitation cheddar cheese flavoring.

Let’s face it: in today’s economy, who has the budget for expensive snack crackers? Actual Goldfish are guaranteed to satisfy your rumbling tummy, or YOUR MONEY BACK! GUARANTEED!*

*No returns or refunds under any circumstances whatsoever.

Pete’s Nacho Barn

Eating Nachos? Good idea.
Hanging out in a barn? Good idea.
Eating Nachos and hanging out in a barn? GREAT IDEA

At least that’s Pete Flores’ philosophy! At Pete’s Nacho Barn, the genius is in the simplicity. You won’t have to worry about making a time consuming and sometimes emotionally complicated choice of nacho toppings in a traditional mexican food restaurant. Pete’s serves them up one way, and one way only: a synthetic blend of cheese substitutes that look like melted plastic poured over a grocery-grade bag of tortilla chips. In a barn.

SOME HISTORY: In 1937, the Flores family began farming in rural Minnesota. By 1949, they had erected a spacious 7-stalled barn for their livestock and crop storage. With the agri-boom of the early 70s, the Flores family was riding high. In 1977, they welcomed Peter Frampton Flores to the fold, and he’s been working hard as a farmhand ever since. Ever since UNTIL NOW that is.

Pete’s Nacho Barn opens nightly at 5:00 p.m., and has a capacity of 80 guests. Taking advantage of the rustic “farm feel,” guests are treated to hay bale seats, horse cart tables, Mrs. Flores’ incessant yelling, and Papa Flores’ disappointed facial expression.