Tag Archives: blood

My First Haircut Kit

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Is your child terrible at giving haircuts?

Well worry no more, because MY FIRST HAIRCUT KIT is here to make your child a pro!

Whether giving himself/herself a trim, helping their parents out with a little off the top, or opening a small barbershop kiosk on the corner of your neighborhood streets, children can now get the vital hair-cutting experience they need.

Designed for children ages 2-6, the haircut kit includes:

  • Professional grade shears
  • Industry grade electric razor (guards sold separately)
  • Shaving (includes 6 pre-sharpened utility blades)
  • Mohawk stencil
  • Hairstyle Instructional pamphlet
  • First aid kit with blood towel
  • Set of legal team business cards

For four easy payments of $69.99, you could start experiencing the convenience of in-home haircuts in the most popular styles — bowl cut, crew cut, OR skin head. Gone are the days of expensive trips to the barber, with unknown hands in your hair and incessant conversation with a stylist or shampooer.

Don’t forget to check out MY SECOND HAIRCUT, an advanced set of tools for your 7-10 year old child, including curlers, dyes and coloring agents, combs, more razors, more scissors, a home-sharpening tool, hairsprays and gels, and a “Yes, I cut my own hair” t-shirt.

ORDER NOW

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Hemoween 5000

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Are you tired of the time consuming candy-eating process?

Sounds like you should try our HEMOWEEN 5000!

Don’t worry about wasting time with wrappers. Forget those nagging parents telling you to “slow down” or “seriously, beware of your deadly chocolate allergy!” From here on out, you will be able to enjoy your Halloween treats at your own pace: super fast.

The HEMOWEEN 5000 condenses candy into a mixture with a saline based solution and delivers the goods intravenously. You’ll experience that adrenaline high without the hassle that comes along with taste. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL. Since you’re receiving the candy straight to your blood stream, it lasts longer than candy taken orally.*

*claim unverified

Set up is easy. Simply load your candy (wrappers included) into the 5000, throw the ‘process’ switch, and ride that delicious pony into November.

THE FINE PRINT: Effects can last much longer than just November. Store in a sterile environment, and thoroughly clean after every single use. Sharing is not recommended. ALSO: When you crash, you crash hard. Some test cases still hospitalized. The HEMOWEEN 5000 should not be used without supervision of an older, already addicted sibling.