The All-LIDS Mall

What does every single mall-goer have?

HEADS.

And what do most of those heads not have? A HAT REPRESENTING EVERY TEAM IN EVERY PROFESSIONAL SPORT.

Well, all that is about to change. Meet the All-LIDS Mall.

Most American malls only have two LIDS locations. At the new All-LIDS Mall, you’ll get 71 LIDS locations with hats for any occasion:

  1. College Reunions
  2. Weddings
  3. Divorces

Snap back? Sure! Fitted? You got it! Indiana Jones’ fedora? Absolutely—and in every MLB team color including a logo!

NOW STOCKING TALLER HATS FOR SHORT PEOPLE!

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JASON-BALL

Are you tired of all the traditional sports- football, baseball, basketball, etc.?

Maybe you should give “JASON-BALL” a shot!

Created by current JASON-BALL commissioner and University of Akron sophmore Jason B. Schnitzelstein, JASON-BALL features all the excitement of a full contact sport and the complexity of a strategic wits vs. knowledge competition. “We’re very proud of JASON-BALL,” Schnitzelstein boasts as he takes a swig of canned beer. “It’s pretty well thought out. I don’t just make it up as we go along or anything,” he adds without prompting.

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS: “So you start with this ball, right?” Schnitzelstein explains between pauses. “And you throw it. If it lands near that lamp, you drink, right? Then I throw the next ball, but if I’m closer then I drink.”

A LOW-COST SPORT FOR THE MASSES: “If you want to be a spectator at a JASON-BALL match, we charge $10 at the door and BYOB. It’s a great business idea, because the ball is the only cost. But, we use a ball that went with a nerf basketball set that I brought from when I was a kid, so we have no costs,” Schitzelstein explains. “Inexpensive for the fans, and pure margin for us.”

At the time of this post, Schnitzelstein was considering dropping out of business school to pursue JASON-BALL full time.