Aren’t you tired of finding the perfect back scratcher? They’re so expensive and confusing. What should I pick? One with a tiny hand on the end of a stick or one with a tiny little rake on a stick?

WORRY NO MORE!

We know nothing beats the feel of real fingernails on your back—especially when another person is scratching that hard-to-reach spot. That’s why we invented the REPURPOSED HUMAN HAND BACKSCRATCHER.

Tens of thousands of people donate their bodies to science each year, but the limbs from the elbows down often go to waste. We salvage these vital body parts and put them through a rigorous preservation procedure:

1. File/sharpen the nails
2. Whole limb dipped in wood varnish
3. Put on a stick

The next thing you know, your itches are being scratched by a real human any time you want.

THE FINE PRINT: No suitable for children under eight, some customers complained of an unfavorable smell, no returns, gift cards available.