The Expired Meat Donation Center of America

Are you tired of coyotes scavenging your neighborhood?

Well, now your small dogs are safe thanks to the EXPIRED MEAT DONATION CENTER OF AMERICA!

The EMDCOA is a non-profit (501c3 pending) that accepts your old steaks, rib racks, flanks, shanks, and planks. Then, for $70/week, we’ll redistribute these pieces in your own backyard, and you can just sit back and watch the majesty of 6 or 7 beautiful coyotes tear through your refrigerator waste—from the safety of your back porch!

We accept all types of meat:

  1. Beef
  2. Pork
  3. Chicken (de-boned only please)
  4. Venison
  5. Raccoon
  6. Feline
  7. Trout

Get rid of your old meats while getting closer to wildlife. Donate today!

THE FINE PRINT: Terms and conditions apply. The EXPIRED MEAT DONATION CENTER OF AMERICA is not responsible for the behavior of coyotes. No live seafood accepted. Do not approach, engage, startle, pet, or groom feral and/or mangy coyotes, deer, rabbits, horses, hawks, or eagles. Do not consume raw and expired meats while pregnant.

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The All Coffee Diet

Tired of fad diets that just don’t work?

TRY THE ALL COFFEE DIET!

The thing is, it’s NOT a fad. It’s the opposite. It’s what’s known to linguists as a daf, or the reverse of a fad. So a D-A-F, that’s a Diet Against Fatness. THIS CAN NOT FAIL WITH THAT KIND OF THINKING.

Forget the days of sweating on a treadmill and eating sensible meals. The All Coffee Diet is simple: when you feel your body telling you that it’s time for food, just drink a cup of coffee. It might seem unbelievable, but food service professionals claim there are the same amount of nutrients in six cups of coffee as there are in an entire thanksgiving dinner!

THE ROADMAP TO YOUR TARGET WEIGHT: Simply enjoy two cups of coffee for breakfast, one cup at 10:00 a.m., 4 cups at noon, 2 cups at 3:00 p.m., and 5 cups at 6:00 p.m., and 1 cup at 9:00 p.m. for best results. DO NOT drink cups larger than 22 fluid ounces.

THE FINE PRINT: The All Coffee Diet may/surely will cause loss of sleep, tremors, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, unsafe weight loss, hospitalization, and yellowing of the teeth. Do not operate motor vehicles, machinery, musical instruments, computers, or communication devices.

The Hot Brown Hot Spots Tour

Got an entire Saturday to kill in Louisville, KY?

Sounds like you need to go on the HOT BROWN HOT SPOTS WALKING TOUR!

The Hot Brown is Louisville’s signature dish: ham, turkey, toast, cheese, bacon, all baked beneath a generous of blanket of mornay sauce. And for as little as $919.99, YOU can take the tour that tastes them all!

Hot Brown

…AND THIS IS A SMALL.

A walking tour of downtown Louisville, the 12 stops include Louisville notables Mama’s Southern Cafe, Phil’s House of Hot Brown Goodness, and the historic Brown Hotel, birthplace of the Hot Brown itself.

For the low, low price of $919.99, each participant receives the following:

1. One large Hot Brown in each location.

2. One pint of beer to wash it down in each location.

3. An “IS THERE HOT BROWN ON MY FACE?!” t-shirt.

4. Photo Op with a professional photographer (prints available for purchase upon completion of the Hot Brown tour).

5. JC Penney tie clip

THE FINE PRINT: The HBHSWT starts at 11:00am, and rarely ends before 1:00a.m. the following morning. For legal reasons, the tour can not continue until each participant finishes their Hot Brown and beverage. Public displays of intoxication or stomach sickness will be met with violent reaction from law enforcement.