The Hot Brown Hot Spots Tour

Got an entire Saturday to kill in Louisville, KY?

Sounds like you need to go on the HOT BROWN HOT SPOTS WALKING TOUR!

The Hot Brown is Louisville’s signature dish: ham, turkey, toast, cheese, bacon, all baked beneath a generous of blanket of mornay sauce. And for as little as $919.99, YOU can take the tour that tastes them all!

Hot Brown

…AND THIS IS A SMALL.

A walking tour of downtown Louisville, the 12 stops include Louisville notables Mama’s Southern Cafe, Phil’s House of Hot Brown Goodness, and the historic Brown Hotel, birthplace of the Hot Brown itself.

For the low, low price of $919.99, each participant receives the following:

1. One large Hot Brown in each location.

2. One pint of beer to wash it down in each location.

3. An “IS THERE HOT BROWN ON MY FACE?!” t-shirt.

4. Photo Op with a professional photographer (prints available for purchase upon completion of the Hot Brown tour).

5. JC Penney tie clip

THE FINE PRINT: The HBHSWT starts at 11:00am, and rarely ends before 1:00a.m. the following morning. For legal reasons, the tour can not continue until each participant finishes their Hot Brown and beverage. Public displays of intoxication or stomach sickness will be met with violent reaction from law enforcement.

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The All Canine Meat Hot Dog

Is your Fourth of July celebration marred by shoddy hot dog meat?!

TRY THE ALL CANINE MEAT HOT DOG!

Unsubstantiated and biased studies show 1000% of hot dogs in today’s market include an unhealthy combination of beef, pork, horse, chemically synthesized protein molecules and/or human meat. With the wrong proportions of each ingredient, scientists believe eating over 140 of these impure hot dogs in a sitting can be lethal. Why would you do that to yourself?

Well, you don’t have to anymore. There is finally an alternative guaranteed to be at least not more unhealthy than a traditional hot dog. With the All Canine Meat Hot Dog, you can rest assured that your fireside snack’s ingredients are exactly as advertised! Made from only the most tender canine meat available, our herds are fed a careful mix of foods to balance nutrition: bacon, grass, baby bunnies, and assorted table scraps.

A GREEN INITIATIVE: By “recycling” members of the troublesome and swelling domestic canine population, we’re promoting a possibly better but definitely different hot dog for the environment. Here at ACMHD Inc., we are a proud champion of this initiative. For the sake of our children’s children, finally a hot dog company is irreversibly linked to managing our planet’s canine presence.

The Philip and Sons Digestible Toothpick

Tired of the arduous task of throwing your used toothpicks in the proper receptacle?

TRY THE DIGESTIBLE TOOTHPICK FROM PHILIP AND SONS!

Made with special wood fibers, the Digestible Toothpick dissolves in stomach acid in less than 9 hours. After you’ve removed the pesky strawberry seed or apple peel from in between your chompers, simply swallow the toothpick whole. You will never have to worry about cluttering up your car or home with used toothpicks again. Can’t find a wastebasket or your car window won’t roll down? WHO CARES?!

A FAMILY RUN BUSINESS: Started by Philip McBones-McGee Sr. in 2011, Philip and Sons keeps operations small to insure utmost customer service. When dad died unexpectedly of ruptured stomach lining in early 2013, his boys carried the legacy onward testing and bringing digestible toothpicks to market. Today, the product line has swelled to include three FDA approval-pending flavors: Watermelon, Watermelon-Lime, and Bacon.

Available in quantities of 6000, order yours today!

THE FINE PRINT: Investors needed.