Category Archives: Humor

The Moon Suit

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Why would I need a suit for walking on the moon? I NEVER GO THERE.

It’s not what you think.

Made from lightweight fibers for optimal flexibility, the Moon Suit covers every inch of the human body, except your perfectly shaped posterior! Your identity will now be concealed without sacrificing your agility for the perfectly timed run-by mooning.

“This thing is great,” says longtime anonymous user Jared Phillips, of 868 N. Sunset Lane, Fortville, IN. “My dad used to get so pissed when I would run through the yard and moon him when he was trying to rake leaves. I still do it, but he has NO IDEA that it’s me these days thanks to the Moon Suit. It’s hilarious.”

For 10 low daily payments of $59.99, you too could see the success of so many other mooners. Available in black, red, green, and grey, the Moon Suit will soon be available with your favorite team’s logo (pending sponsorship of the NFL, NCAA, MLB, NHL, NBA, MLS, and a handful of tennis and golf superstars). Order now and enjoy your free gift: Your choice of three available Moon Suit scents in plain, everything, or nutmeg!

Mooning has never looked and smelled this good!

Al’s Ice Sculpture Challenge

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That’s right! It’s the viral sensation that is sweeping the nation:

AL’S ICE SCULPTURE CHALLENGE!

In response to the popular ice bucket challenge for ALS, local resident Albert Kent has devised a new trend! “It all started when I realize that my name, Al, had some of the same letters as ALS. My wife says I’m being insensitive, but what could be insensitive about making a little money at the expense of some people in need? It’s fun.”

AL’S PLAN: “So basically, you take a cell phone video of you making an ice sculpture. It can be something huge, or just a little ice cube shaved into a tiny horse or something. I don’t care. Then you challenge your friends to do the same, or they have to mail me 20 bucks.”

Al, a Pittsburgh native of 51, believes to be rich by the end of the year. “The best part about this plan, is that people are the stars of their own videos. It would be different if I was just like ‘Hey! Mail me $20 bucks for no reason!’, you know? I doubt anyone would do it.”

Contrary to popular belief, Al himself has actually never made an ice sculpture. He notes, “I have never liked them really.”

The Automatic Haircut

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Don’t you hate it when you unevenly trim your neckline or accidentally slice the top part of your ear when you’re giving yourself a haircut? THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!

Well, now there is. Introducing THE AUTOMATIC HAIRCUT.

Designed by barber Henri LaFont, the Automatic Haircut is the most convenient and cost effective way to get a good looking trim in the confines of your home. With eight presets including combover, buzz, mohawk, faux-hawk, mullet, and extra mullet, your perfect hairstyle is just 22 seconds away!

Operation of the home unit is simple! Place your dome inside the uniquely designed Style Box 3000, and let the series of automatic clippers, scissors, and razors do the job. What’s the best part? No cleanup. The Automatic Haircut sucks all the clipped ends and excess shaving cream off your noggin as it works. You will never have to worry about vacuuming under your haircut area again.

THE FINE PRINT: The Automatic Haircut is not responsible for the insertion of unauthorized limbs in the Style Box 3000. Keep unit clean for optimal performance. Dander, unclean hair, and blood can jam the clipping mechanisms. Always use the buddy system for third party supervision during use of product. First aid certification recommended but not required.