Monthly Archives: September 2014

Buy Hamish Alastair O’Shenanigan’s Opinion!

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Do you need to drum up support for your secessionist movement?! Are you a staunch imperialist without friends?

Well good news! Hamish A. O’Shenanigan’s opinion is YOURS TO BUY!

Whether you are for or against having a royal ruler, Hamish doesn’t give a whip. He’ll hold your sign, march on parliament, or simply sheer any message into the sides of your sheep if that’s your game. All he asks in return are the following:

1. A barrel of his favorite ale.

2. A ride every morning for a year to his job in town as a cobbler’s apprentice/drunkard.

3. Lifetime free entry to a the log throwing world series.

4. One bagpipe cleaning.

5. 15lbs. of haggis, 3lbs. ground sausage, one gallon whole milk, Hershey’s chocolate syrup, and a blender (for making highland milkshakes).

6. One can of mustache wax

Don’t you think your country’s freedom or ongoing beneficial political and economic partnership is at least worth all that?!

HAMISH DOES. And he’s even willing to change his Facebook status to reflect your opinions for one week. Act now, and Hamish will throw in a nice dinner and night on the town as a bonus ‘thank you’ (female customers only).

Support for your cause has never been this easy to find!

The Hot Brown Hot Spots Tour

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Got an entire Saturday to kill in Louisville, KY?

Sounds like you need to go on the HOT BROWN HOT SPOTS WALKING TOUR!

The Hot Brown is Louisville’s signature dish: ham, turkey, toast, cheese, bacon, all baked beneath a generous of blanket of mornay sauce. And for as little as $919.99, YOU can take the tour that tastes them all!

Hot Brown

…AND THIS IS A SMALL.

A walking tour of downtown Louisville, the 12 stops include Louisville notables Mama’s Southern Cafe, Phil’s House of Hot Brown Goodness, and the historic Brown Hotel, birthplace of the Hot Brown itself.

For the low, low price of $919.99, each participant receives the following:

1. One large Hot Brown in each location.

2. One pint of beer to wash it down in each location.

3. An “IS THERE HOT BROWN ON MY FACE?!” t-shirt.

4. Photo Op with a professional photographer (prints available for purchase upon completion of the Hot Brown tour).

5. JC Penney tie clip

THE FINE PRINT: The HBHSWT starts at 11:00am, and rarely ends before 1:00a.m. the following morning. For legal reasons, the tour can not continue until each participant finishes their Hot Brown and beverage. Public displays of intoxication or stomach sickness will be met with violent reaction from law enforcement.

The NFL Bubble Bath Package

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Has the NFL season snuck up you because you spent your summer too wrapped up in tennis?!

Me too. Sounds like you need to get back into NFL mode the way it’s meant to be enjoyed: IN THE BATHTUB!

Gone are the days of watching the big game in annoying bars, surrounded by your team’s obnoxious fans. You won’t have to worry about getting buffalo wing sauce on the side of your beer glass, or high-fiving someone you don’t even know over a much-needed touchdown.

Finally, the NFL Bubble Bath Package allows you watch the game the way you want to watch it, without guacamole, big screen TVs, or your favorite player’s jersey. The NFLBBP includes:

1. Suds scented with your choice of “Floral Dream,” “Desert Roses,” or “Bud Light”

2. Battery operated antenna TV with spacious 8 inch X 6 inch screen (prevents electric shock in case of submersion, 10 D Batteries not included)

3. Wine glass with your team’s logo

4. Can of Cheetos

5. Toy battleship

Order now, and for a limited time receive a bonus “Thank You” gift: a 3 month subscription to Home and Gardens. Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson lookalike Jacob Sappenfield says “The NFL Bubble Bath Package is the way I start my day! I never even shower anymore!”

CALL NOW!