Category Archives: Humor

Mustang Mary’s Mares and Mustangs

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Is your life spinning helplessly out of control?

Sounds like you need A NEW PET!

Here at Mustang Mary’s Mares and Mustangs, we specialize in providing “Colt Companions” to individuals who suffer from anxiety, nervousness, or violent mood swings. Clinical trials have proven that pets have a calming effect on their caregivers, and our non-profit believes an ungelded and/or unbroken young male horse will be just the answer for someone who can’t afford the expensive upkeep of a kitten or bunny.

MUSTANG MARY CARES: MMMM Inc. is proud to be a sponsor of the Richard Keith’s Health and Wellness Rehabilitation Center, outside New Dessert, AZ. This popular hideaway has seen a sharp acceleration in patient rehabilitation since our involvement. One success story tells the tale of a young, wealthy Hollywood starlet who checked out one day after being assigned to one of our youthful steeds. Although she had 16 days of treatment left, she insisted that the animal played a large part in her decision to speed up her program.

THE FINE PRINT: MMMM Inc. is not responsible for broken or otherwise damaged personal property to the interior or exterior of your home. MMMM Inc. is also not liable for any bodily harm or physical injury that may be a result from interaction with untamed, unpredictable, downright crazy, and often violent animals. CALL TODAY.

The High-Five Retail Outlet

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Can’t find a good high five anywhere?

Come on down to RICK’S HIGH FIVE EMPORIUM!

At Rick’s, you will always find the best, most solid high five for the lowest prices around! Whether you’re looking for a simple down-low or even a too slow, we’re your one-stop slap happy high-five shop!

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE: If you need something a little more theatrical, stop in for a free high-five consultation! Our experts will sit down and map out a custom high-five, tailored to your specific style of celebration. Using our patented “Digits-Up” software, we can design and predict thousands of high-five options including (but not limited to) the following elements: the behind-the-back, jump, scissor kick, summersault, and elbow or shoulder dislocation!

BIG SALE: If that all weren’t enough, come on down to Rick’s this Labor Day for our “Slappy and Sloppy Days” Tent Sale Weekend! There will be music, barbeque, and The Amazing Jeff, a semi-professional juggler and still-life fruit-on-a-table painter! Plus, that’s the day we’re selling our famous Sloppy Joe/High-Five Combos. All you can eat/slap for the low price of $99.99*!

*Combo price does not include $10 tent entry fee, any high-fives beyond the traditional down low/up high options, mandatory tips for The Amazing Jeff, or the $29.99 souvenir “I Got Slappy and Sloppy with Rick” T-shirt.

Lotion for sore, chapped, and slapped hands provided free of charge.

Rick’s High Five Emporium is located off I-69 in beautiful Fortville, Indiana! STOP IN TODAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

The Superhero Action Movie/Musical

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Have you had it with gripping action scenes, dashing heroes, and astounding special effects?

Maybe the modern day action movie isn’t for you. You need more. You need a new genre of film: THE SUPERHERO ACTION MOVIE/MUSICAL!

LET ME SET THE SCENE: Opening credits. Night. The roof of the Chrysler building is backlit dramatically by an enlarged moon, and the silhouette of our masked hero stands on a ledge overlooking the city. As the orchestra swells, he belts out the memorable first lines of the opening song “Different Life”, lamenting his personal solitude amid great popularity. Anonymity is a necessary curse. On the final sad and soaring note of the song, he slowly floats off the ledge and flies into the night, his cape rippling behind.

Scene two: a busy newsroom. Reporters bustle, and young photographers rush to get the best scoop. The opening lines of the energetic “Get the Story” begin as two members of the ensemble converse. “Gee, I hope the boss sends me out for a whale of a story today!” “Awwww Timmy, you’re day will come. I got nothing but truck fires for my first three months!”

The entire office erupts into an extremely well choreographed and exciting song highlighting the peaks and valleys of reporting the news, when a phone rings and someone interrupts the action: “HOOOOOOLD EVERYTHING! THERE’S A KID HANGING FROM THE HARBOR BRIDGE!” The room scatters as the orchestra rapidly replays the theme and our hero is seen flying by the windows.

And so on.

Early box office predictions suggest this new wave of cinema will irreparably change the movie going experience. Audiences will surely react to the mix of melodic artistry and choreographed film violence.

Hollywood has finally found a cure for the pesky live performances of Broadway and the lamentable lack of show tunes in action movies!