Are you tired of imitation snack foods?

Try ACTUAL GOLDFISH!

Unlike their snarky little posing counterparts, Actual Goldfish combine all your favorite snack food flavors with the authenticity of fishbowl life. You’ll no longer need to worry about all those cracker crumbs or pesky Pepperidge Farm particles getting caught between your teeth. Whether you’re sitting at your desk, in the cafeteria, or on public transportation with several horrified onlookers, Goldfish are the perfect way to quell hunger pangs without ruining dinner.

Here at Actual Goldfish, we fishbowl raise (or carnival win) all our snack product. Available in all the popular flavors, enjoy a cheddar cheese or pretzel goldfish the way you would any snack.

“HEY, BUT YOU ARE STILL EATING A LIVE GOLDFISH!”: True, but raw fresh fish is a delicacy. What could possibly make sushi better? Obviously, the answer is a light dusting of bright orange imitation cheddar cheese flavoring.

Let’s face it: in today’s economy, who has the budget for expensive snack crackers? Actual Goldfish are guaranteed to satisfy your rumbling tummy, or YOUR MONEY BACK! GUARANTEED!*

*No returns or refunds under any circumstances whatsoever.