Monthly Archives: June 2014

The Glass Bottomed Medical Helicopter

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Are your patients not being treated to the best views of the city while being airlifted to the hospital?

WELL TODAY’S THEIR LUCKY DAY!

The next time your patient is screaming as they stare at their compound fracture because they have nothing else to look at, remind them to look through the floor of our revolutionary glass-bottomed medical helicopter. They will be awed by heart-stopping views of the city as you stabilize their vitals and prepare them for the necessary world-class medical attention awaiting them at their destination.

But wait! What if the patient is afraid of heights?

Fear not. Being a fully equipped medical emergency vehicle, you will have all the tools that you need to sedate the patient and take in the view from above in peace.

THE FINE PRINT: The Glass Bottomed Medical Helicopter should not surpass speeds greater than 48 mph. Weight rating H (sustain up to 305lbs. of human passengers, pilot included). GBMH Inc. is not responsible for medical treatment on board aircraft or overall patient safety. Visit our beautiful showroom off I-69 in Fortville, Indiana.

The Hot Tub Tube

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This single-use personal hot tub uses non-patented cutting edge technology to give you the best solo hot tubbing experience you’ve ever had! With our specially designed “Step-In and Relax” ring and semi-watertight plastic liner, this isn’t just your run-of-the-mill trash bag attached to a hula hoop. Simply step into the tub, raise the ring, add hot water, and suddenly your worries are melting away!

HTT

PERFECT FOR:

1. When you want to be in a hot tub and there is no hot tub around

2. When the hot tub at the hotel is full of people

3. Layovers

4. Waiting for the waiter to come back with what you actually ordered

5. Long lines at the zoo

 

ALSO AVAILABLE IN KIDS’ SIZES. PERFECT FOR:

1. A relaxing sack race

2. When you’re the goalie and the opposing team never gets the ball near your goal

 

THE FINE PRINT: Hot water not included. The Personal Hot Tub Tube is biodegradable and guaranteed to disintegrate in under 10,000 years. Not recommended if you are pregnant, on medication, feverish, or are currently experiencing perfect health. The Hot Tub Tube Accessory Pack featuring the “Blow your own jet bubbles straw” and flotation vest sold separately for three easy payments of $849.99.

The TacoTelegram

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Have you ever wanted to mail a taco? NOW YOU CAN!

Gone are the days of worrying about the complicated logistical challenges of mailing mexican food. For $7.99 plus tax and freight, we will ship one taco for you to anywhere in the mainland United States. The Taco Telegram is perfect for the following occasions:

1. When you’re hungry.

2. When someone you know is hungry.

3. When you want to mail someone a hate taco.

4. A ‘Fan Mail Taco’ to your favorite celebrity

5. When you have a Mexican restaurant and you want to show them how it’s done

6. Random taco mailings to someone you’ve never met

THE FINE PRINT: Taco Telegram only ships economy ground, in a standard 8 1/2″ x 11″ manilla envelope. Taco can be placed in plastic baggie or wrapped in foil for an additional $5 surcharge. Composition of taco not guaranteed by time of delivery. Custom ingredient orders not accepted; Taco Telegram Inc. reserves the right to assemble any ingredient combination, including but not limited to traditional mexican food taco ingredients, any and all non traditional ingredients, strawberry jam, asparagus, lemon custard, and bubble gum. Not FDA approved. Consumption of taco not recommended.