Have you ever wondered, “When did walking on stilts become so routine?”

Luckily for you, stilts are as always ahead of the technology game! Introducing STEREOSTILTS: stilts with an mp3 dock and built in speakers!

Somewhere, someone’s research might show that the popularity of stilts is at its highest. Still, reports of boredom while walking on stilts have begun to surface across America. While hard to believe, we here at StereoStilts have the answer!

Compatible with any number of bestselling mp3 players, imagine your mundane stilt trips around the block suddenly fueled by a soundtrack of your choice. Your neighbors will suddenly be asking to borrow your sugar after seeing you traipse by with your favorite Pantera, Slayer, or Korn song drowning out all your feelings of inadequacy!

Retiree and avid gardener Edna Wolinski can attest to StereoStilt’s success: “My life turned around the day I discovered I could listen to my Michael Buble as I shuffle down to the market every morning. The high risk of falling and ruining my extremely expensive recent double hip replacement is far outweighed by the feeling I get when I hear “Haven’t Met You Yet” three feet above the sidewalk!”

StereoStilts are available for six hassle-free payments of $999.99. Shipping and tax not included.