The Fingernail Solution

Have you been searching for a less expensive and easier process for trimming your fingers and toenails?

Well, now there’s FINGERAPHOL!

Pending FDA approval, FINGERAPHOL is the ‘cutting’ edge new drug to stifle fingernail growth. Gone are the days of time consuming clipping sessions. Never again will you need to continually buy new trimmers when they break on your substantial and cosmetically offensive fingernails.

FINGERAPHOL works on your DNA, so you will no longer even have to worry about fingernails at all. If successful, your children will also be cured of fingernails without ever needing the drug! For as little as $40.99 each week, all your life’s problems will be solved. Some unfortunate side effects include:

1. Nausea

2. Oily oral discharge

3. Hair loss

4. Shoulder dislocation

5. Changes in right/left handedness

6. Loss of memory or complete motor function

7. Permanent impotence

8. Infertility

9. Headaches

MORE FINE PRINT: If side effects last longer than 3 years, consult a physician.

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